Bemused in Bangkok

A Passing Worth Noting

A while back on one morning in the hustle and bustle of logistics to get my new company into our few building I made a comment about our dogs and Meow responded with an awkward smile and somewhat glib manner that one was no more. Tubby, my ugly, but adorable, English bulldog was gone.

One of the most misunderstood things in Thailand is the Thai smile. It’s also one of the most delightful – at least to me. Where people trip up is equating smiles to happiness or even sincerity. As I noted in my bolg “Thai Smile” there are at least 13 different smiles and they don’t all mean “happy to see you”. As was the case here… In some ways I wish I’d frozen that smile because it was soon replaced by a strong embrace and sobbing in my chest – soon followed by tears running down my cheeks into her hair. Such sad news delivered “with a smile” that I was just a little too obtuse to understand the yim sao smile when I saw it. But I understood quick enough.

Tubby was one dog I just totally adored. You might say she had a face only a father could love. We’d joke that she was ugly, fat, lazy, no job or money, farted, smelled bad, had any number of medical problems, snored, was grumpy with the new puppies, only thought about food and peed where she wanted. When she was less than a year old any walk through the market would bring many comments of passersby commenting “look at that old dog”. In other words her prospects to find a husband weren’t that good. But she was papa’s baby and had a way of wiggling her fat butt when I’d come home for me and only me that made me immeasurably happy.

Sadly Tubby was a victim of some puppy mill – born with a host of problems and a weak immune system that had her suffering from mange, heart problem and ultimately a tick and worm infection of some sort. Not to mention injures including a dog bite from fighting over food with the alpha dog at the village (she was serious about food) and a broken leg from falling off the motorbike and rolling across the road and under a cab (she was serious about riding the motorbike as well).

Tubby wasn’t at home when she died – we’d left her up at the family village home where she seemed to be thriving and where her favorite activity was crawling under the mosquito net protecting Meow’s semi-conscious-bed-ridden grandfather laying on his mat on the floor and spending the day sleeping with him. They were great companions and it made the entire family happy to see Tubby in there with him.

Eating Bugs

Gosh – this blog was supposed to be about another New Year passing and I get back to it and New Years is long gone as is my birthday. Trust me, older but no wiser.

We spent New Years upcountry at Meow’s family’s house. The core occupant level of four (including grandpa who’s semiconscious) expanded to thirty-three plus about twelve dogs. The din is over the top at times. It’s like a mash-up of My Greek Wedding and Groundhog Day.

Oh about those bugs. It’s a well established ritual that the fried worm, ant larva, or some other delight will be pushed forward and there you are, expectant faces waiting – what will he do”. Of course there is only one thing to do; eat it. First off to backtrack a little; it’s a “good idea to have a beer or whisky soda or something close at hand – you may need the chaser. Then you reach in with confidence and bravado and try to get only one worm to pop into your mouth. At this point your extended family has a look on their faces not dissimilar to watching a tight rope walker without a net. They are waiting to see what happens – your reaction. At this point you must be careful. Polite is good but remember “delicious” means you want more. If you can eat a little more before you can plead being full then go for it – otherwise just smile and ask for more of something to drink. Don’t worry either way, you’ve passed the test and as they say, “what don’t kill you, makes you stronger”.

The lead-up to Christmas was wonderful with the arrival of my daughter Alexanne on the 15th and a very enjoyable holiday to Kho Chang island in the Gulf of Thailand. I’ll blog about that later but Derek says “Two thumbs up!”.

Christmas doesn’t have quite the same feeling here in Thailand – first off of course it’s warm and sunny. And while there are the Christmas decorations here and there it looks mostly out of place or hopelessly commercial. But Christmas it is and off we went to celebrate.

After some research we headed over to the Peninsula Hotel on the river to enjoy a Christmas buffet with games and Santa for the kids. We ate too much and topped it off with brownies with chocolate sauce – adding to my Kho Chang beer for lunch pounds. Tomorrow it’s off to the gym. You can see the Bangkok Christmas pictures and get the idea.

I do wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas and all the good fortune, happiness and heath you wish for in 2009.

Back

What a year it has been – so far. My last post ten months ago found me newly and happily married but somewhat cryptically too busy to blog. The reason behind that was I was starting a company on the side and realized early on that juggling a day job with a start-up left little in the margin. And so for nine months I labored 7 days a week and bit by bit designed and refined what was to become Pronto Marketing. At the end of September that chapter called Microsoft came to an end and a new chapter began.

Meanwhile life does go on. In May we bought a house in Bangkok. It's a bit of a fixer-upper but in an neighborhood we've lived in for about two years now – a quiet little corner in the middle of the city. Most of the work so far has been by Meow in the garden and putting in a koi pond. Around us a jungle grows, orchids bloom, banana trees stretch-up and countless plants thrive. Scattered between them our population ceramic figurines grows; singing children, zebras, sleeping frogs, duck families, monks, laughing pigs, happy turtles, tiny temples and elephant fountains to name a few.

Looking over my shoulder the chapter titled Microsoft came to a close a month ago (see the goodbye email below). It ended in a state of exhaustion and burn-out that wasn't what I'd have wished for or that it deserved. But that's how it was. Within days I was in Seattle where I visited the HQ campus and I walked under the trees turning from green to yellow in that time where the days grow short and gray; I remembered my footsteps across these damp paths so many times before and the flood of happy memories came back. Some time ago they melted but the sweet cold flavors linger on my tongue, eyes closed I smack my lips and savor… Thankful for what it was, ready to move on.

Back there in the US linger many of the best things – the family and friendships, the sun-kissed golden hills of California scattered with vineyards, bays and oaks; up in the evergreen northwest drizzle gray with surprises of sunshine. The best parts, the best people, the best children are close to my heart and stay that way always. No longer do I worry about losing them – good things last. And I'll be back often.

Back here in Bangkok it's a good life indeed! It's a delight to wake-up every day to the warm tropics and vibrant life, go to work to a job I love and have this fun and fulfilling life. There is so much to write about and share – it was good to be back in the US, good to be back in Bangkok and oh it's good to be back blogging!

Much, much more to come…

Goodbye to Microsoft

Last email sent September 26, 2008

At last the moment has come to say "today is my last day at Microsoft"; words that have a quiet echo in my heart that I can't quite explain. For when I think about the past twelve plus years going by in what now feels like the blink of an eye, the foremost thing in my mind is a huge gratitude for this opportunity and this experience. When I was asked in my exit interview form if there was anything I'd do different I replied; "Not a thing".

Truly a goodness has come to me that depressed stock prices and sometime mind-numbing meetings and process could never begin to take the shine off of. Microsoft has been a love of my live, and while I'll admit that at times it seems an unrequited one, it has been on measure a truly remarkable experience. And at the core of that remarkableness is the amazing people I've had the good fortune to work with all these years - in and out of the company. Microsoft has attracted a remarkable bunch and it's been my honor and at times humbling experience to work with all of you. The level of intellectual curiosity, the intense passion coupled with an environment that that challenges us with the freedom to do our best work is indeed special - and I'll remember it that way.

It never occurred to me to work at another company. When that fork in the road emerged from the mist and appeared before my feet I paused and considered carefully that next step, without the advantage of a map, I chose with my heart - and my heart is in Bangkok where life finds me quite happy indeed. It's a wonderful adventure here and I decided to add to that and put my roots down a little deeper by starting a Thailand-based company. We'll provide outsourced, off-shore marketing services to small businesses; I think of it as bringing them the advantages of flat world economics scaled to their needs.

Now the time is almost done and I'll hand over the blue badge that it's been my honor to clip on each morning. It's been such a fabulous experience I just want to say Thank You to everyone from the bottom of my heart.

Sawadii

I have so many things that pop up in my mind to write about but have had this sense of things needing to go in chronological order – which created this block on getting something up about The Wedding. Somehow I got stuck at the day before (the last post). Meanwhile over the past few months I've been working persistently on an endeavor that's been on my mind and in my dreams for some years now. Between that and the day job – and a my family both here and in the US it seems the day and weeks are all so full and fast like the swarms of motorbikes zipping in and out of Bangkok traffic. I'm dizzy with the possibilities of things I want to do.

So about that wedding; It was such as wonderful day – and so much fun that it seems it needs something monumental in terms of a story. Meanwhile there are over a thousand pictures to sort through and so many good memories to share. And you my dear readers have better things to do that listen to hours of what was so special to me – although the form of blog does give you the polite exit of clicking to other points on the horizon that perhaps dinner at my house and looking at photo albums on the sofa might not. So consider yourself spared.

But the wedding was indeed wonderful. And if I have more than a thousand pictures and a picture is worth a thousand words why don't I save you reading a million words and send you over to my friend Suppawat's web site and see the pictures he took. It tells the story well from the morning preparation, to my friends from Bangkok assembling outside the village for our morning parade to Meow's family home, where I paid bribes to get pairs of people with chains to get into the house. In the house at Meow's bedroom door I paid more do have her come out – only to have a ladyboy with hideous makeup come out to my surprise and everyone's laughter. But alas the beautiful bride did come out and we had a lovely celebration. Monk's chanted and gave us lectures on being married. (which included such important spiritual advice as to remind me to buy Meow a new dress from time to time). Family and friends poured blessed water on our hands and tied sacred string around our wrists. And we made offerings and well all I can say is my eyes welled up at the wonderfulness of it all, the kindness around me and my bright as fireworks new bride.

After all that we rested some and I had a massage and waited for the evening party. It was wonderful – except perhaps at the moment when I didn't think we had enough beer, the music went off due to power problems and the rain started. There we were, more than one hundred guests had already arrived and we were outdoors receiving them in the light rain while I watched the sound crew try to hot wire the power from a power pole with the light of a motorcycle while a cousin showed up with four bottles of beer to feed the multitudes – as if Jesus had come to perform yet another miracle. Disaster was everywhere. We retreated to our house across the street where Meow's family realized we forgot to make an offering to the spirit of the land and soon there was incense burning and Meow showing more devotion than I've ever seen. In moments, the rain stopped, the music started and more beer showed up – along with over four hundred people. We had a totally rocking Thai band with a dozen dancers and it was just so much fun. What a most amazing day – one of the very, very best in my life.

And that was that and now I'm happily married.

And that writer's block behind me what's next? Well my dear friends I need to take a break from blogging. This little enterprise I'm working developing on the side is taking all my spare time and juice for now and, along with my day job, needs my focus. As does my family here in Thailand and the US. I've enjoyed sharing a little about Thailand, my life here and some glimpses into me – all tossed up in what I hope you found was a spicy stir fry of a story. I'll be back as there are so many stories to tell and a cast of characters longer than the tail of a long-tail boat on Thai rivers. Perhaps fiction will be the next phase so I can share the essence of it all while little leaving both the innocent and guilty unsullied by my narrative and give you my dear friends; the real story…

Meanwhile my love affair with Thailand, and especially Bangkok, grows by the day. Bangkok for me is the most magical mix of utter grittiness and up and coming home-grown cosmopolitan. It's a huge city with the heart of the Thai village in hundreds of small streets and thousand of sidewalk vendors. It sensual and sexy enough to make me almost cry and in the early daylight hours when orange robed monks seek alms and in the quiet moments making offerings in countless temples I do cry – for everything that has come my way and blessed me with all of you and all of this. This is my home.

As I exit off stage right I must say a few important and heartfelt thank yous.

First I want to thank Brenda my coach the past six months. She's asked a few simple rhetorical questions such as "Why can't you have what you dream?" In a scenario where "It's not possible" is not among the multiple-choice questions she driven me dream the dreams, articulate them to my satisfaction and send me off with a To Do list to make them real. As you will see and as things unfold it's an alchemy of sorts to find my philosophers' stone.

To my family – all of you, thanks so much for your love and for being such an important part of my life. You are always there when I need you and always in my heart. To my two lovely children Alex & Cory you are my pride and my pleasure and always a joy in my heart. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you and wish we could see each other more – and that's in the plan so stay tuned. Little Cody, who tries this man in the middle years patience at times, clearly you are sent here as a blessing to teach me new and valuable things – thanks for that and it's going to be a fun adventure.

And dear Meow the rising sunshine in my life you continue to surprise and delight me with your sharp wit and gentle nature. You're like the best of Thai cuisine – searing spicy, a little sour, a bit of sweet and full of a life of color and flavor.

Lastly thanks to all of you, my friends in many places, who have read my blog, posted comments and encouraged me. It's been my delight to flatter myself that I've entertained you a bit. There is more to tell but for now let's slip in the book mark, close the dog-eared pages on this chapter and lay the story book aside for now.

The Day Before

The morning breaks softly and the family house in Sukhothai has a lovely soft buzz of anticipation. I take off to breakfast at Michel’s Lotus Village guest house where the two of us enjoy our coffee and chat. Returning home things are picking up, relatives are starting to decorate and a crew is setting up speakers and a tent and tables for lunch. The energy level is up a notch in a nice enough way and things seem under control. I take off on my new chopper to swim laps, have a massage and then a light lunch of som tom (spicy green papaya salad) and grilled chicken – a few hours of peace and solitude. Good things don’t always last…

I meet up later at Lotus to greet the fifteen co-workers who have come up from Bangkok via the five hour drive, to attend the wedding. It’s wonderful to see them and after checked into their rooms they head-off sightseeing at the fantastic Sukhothai ruins of the ancient capital of Siam. After seeing them off about three o’clock I head back to the house to see what’s up

Now there is a tower of speakers in the front yard with cones pointing to the stars above Thailand. This is only for tonight and tomorrow morning to make sure everyone in a couple kilometer radius knows we are having a party. Across the street there will be a stage, even more speakers and seating for four hundred for the nightlife part of the affair. Meanwhile at a volume that would bring the police in the US the Thai music is turned on and the party must be starting. Outside the house assorted cousins, grandchildren and other kids have started to assemble, attracting more until we something approaching the childhood version critical mass. In the middle of this Cody, face caked with talcum is going between squealing ecstasy and screaming frustration when he doesn’t get his way. The two oscillate at a frequency that is starting to make my teeth hurt. He’s over stimulated, saturated with candy, tired beyond sleep and having the time of his life. Escape crosses my mind.

People keep coming, the decorating of the house continues, and people keep coming. The soft and gentle Thais are gearing up and having fun at full volume as plates and cookware arrive. More people show up including a car with our maid Fon, the maid next door Nit and assorted more relatives. God bless this car because it has reinforcements of wine from Bangkok. I think the music is louder if that is possible, the house is chaos, two young monks are decorating quietly in the middle of all of this – I must get away. Or get drunk. I have a better idea which is to get away and go get drunk at my pal Luc’s Poo Bar nearby. About to hop on the chopper Meow gives me a “where are you going look” like isn’t this the most fun ever – errr sure I guess it is. A strategic retreat is in order. Later I can make a break.

Meanwhile the music is even louder, more people have come and they are louder too, the ladies are doing nails next to kids blowing up balloons; meanwhile the car with the wine has left. We call them because we need it for the party we are hosting for the Bangkok crew and they say “back soon”. OK it’s only been an hour since they took off to 7-11 to buy ice about a kilometer away. Soon could mean anything.

More pickup trucks with more stuff and more people arrive. I think the music had been turned up. Surely my friend Ed is behind this. The car with my wine is lost for sure and my one attempt to have one thing under control – bottles of wine at the right temperature, is a lost cause.

There is a growing party at the house now, old men with chocolate brown skin and sparking eyes smile and ask me if I’m having fun, I don’t know I guess, more people come and the young monks keep working away – they are on another level. Everyone is busy doing something and I am writing this. At one point I had six kids watching me write asking me if I had any games on my laptop. Thank God no. Tubby the puppy is exhausted. Smoke is rising from the kitchen as the charcoal stoves get ready, decorations continue, the tempo of the music has gone up a notch and I’m sure more people have arrived.

Time for a shower where I find in the bathroom Tim the nine year old cousin filling up a balloon with water with a not so innocent and up to no good look on his face – boys will be boys the world round. Turning on the shower the tax of all these people has reduced the water pressure to something that could be best described as a leaky faucet. Cupping my hands under the drips I capture precious handfuls of water and splash them on my body in a meager attempt to wash off the day’s sticky sweat. It works OK I guess.

I suspect there will be more than twenty people sleeping on the floor of the typical Thai house tonight. Sharing two bathrooms we will all be walking around wrapped in towels, in PJ’s, brushing, grooming, shaving and whatever all in the great room tomorrow at five in the morning. And at that time I am sure the music will be blaring. It’s the day before – you know just getting ready for the party tomorrow…

Painted House

One week and one day to go. Preparations continue. Invitations go out (and I realize I forgot everyone on the US including my family – stay tuned). The house has been painted outside and mostly in. Some level of nominal cleaning and organization is underway. Gravel is replacing the dirt, pots of flowers and plants come in by the dozens, a water garden has emerged, or should I say submerged. A new front porch adorns the entrance to the house to the delight of Meow's grandmother who sits above it all and watches the comings and goings of the household and life of the neighborhood. It's sad that grandfather now lies in a dream inside the house on what I think is his deathbed as I know how much he enjoyed the small balcony that preceded it. Holding still wonderful memories of his warm soft smile greeting us w hen we'd come in the driveway. In any event it seems a good portion of the extended family has been employed or engaged in the undertaking of preparing this home to host a wedding. Actually just the morning ceremony will be at the house – the night party is in an empty lot across the street. "Who owns it?" I asked Meow last week. "We don't know". OK that is Thai style for you…

Tonight as the warm golden sun sets over the rice fields and into the mountains of Myanmar (Burma) to the west the front yard of the family house is invaded by a gang of scrappy and scruffy kids come like the biblical locust descending on us. It's time for a lot of chatting and too many questions fired at me in a relentless rat-ta-tat Gatling gun barrage – kids don't accept that I can't understand. There are questions about the wedding. (Meow tells me they are all excited and we decide we need to have ice cream and treats for the them) I feel so irresponsible my Thai isn't better. Here I am about as deep as one can get into Thai life and I've got only rudimentary skills. My resolved to study harder stiffens bolstered by an hour or so of study today. Damn-it - I will learn to communicate fully.

My life here in the family home and Meow's annex becomes ever more comfortable. Sun has set and the golden green wildness of the back lot is now a black hole to sink my eyes into. At last the roosters who seem to cockadoodle all day long have shut up and decided to listen to the crickets out in the bush; punctuated by the occasional dog chasing away the sprits that wander up and down our little street and make trouble for us. Now it seems the ducks next door have decided to make a racket and a lone rooster just won't let it go. And out in the distance just beyond the threshold of hearing I can discern the final echo of the gang of kids and a baby's cry. Teeming with life it is. Blessed with a chance to be part of a simple life am I.

A Fresh Breeze Kisses My Wrinkled Brow

Looking into the deep brown eyes that twinkle with the magic of moonlight and the lucky stars of love - I'm transfixed. A wide grin beckons me, full of bright white, not so perfectly lined-up teeth with those little incisors that pop out on either side. It's a devilish grin. It's a hearty smile. It's a beautiful girl. As one would wish also a best friend, a tender lover and a formidable adversary. I'm a lucky man indeed.

Some time ago we drove outside of Sukhothai, alongside the mountains, to a small temple where a single monk lives. We sat down on the floor in his little one room shrine and gave him our birthdates. So far apart it is true – a tad over thirty years to be exact, but he doesn't blink as he jumps into making his calculations, consulting an old brass device that he spins around, a small dog-eared book and other things and ultimately sketching out a date on a large piece of surplus computer paper with the holes on either side. He hands it across the little table and Meow reads to me: Sunday November 18, 2007. The officially auspicious day we get married.

And of course it's two for one package deal. The Thai idiom is rua-pung, the barge behind the tug-boat that follows along; and so Cody does, full of energy and curiosity for the world around him documented by an almost endless stream of chatter. So it's an adventure of a young family and a not so young man. What we've learned the past year how little age really matters – even the thirty years between us. We both just focus on being ourselves. In the beginning I supposed impressed by her feet-on-the-ground maturity I didn't fully see and appreciate the life force of a young woman and mother. And I'd guess my youthful energy and easy-going style maybe masked a little of the man who is set in his ways and patterns. We adapt, we tease, we enjoy the unconventional and we celebrate. I love these two with all my heart.

Consider this blog post an invitation to come to the wedding and party up in Sukhothai next month and don't let the lack of a formal invitation to deter you. We'll do it village style at Meow's family's home – out front in the yard with a live luktung (listen to a sample) band, the Thai countryside music I love so much, complete with a half-dozen or so dancers, changing singers support by a party of dancer from toddlers to great grandparents fueled plenty of whiskey, beer, great Thai food and a cast of two-hundred of our friends and family.

I could write a tome about Meow and the goodness she has brought into my life. A blessing sent to me with new lessons to learn and a fresh take on this life ahead of me. Not exactly l what I was looking for or expected turned out to be exactly what I needed. A lucky man indeed.

The Wheel

The wheel turns each and every day. And rather than knowing something new it seems I let go of knowing something old all together. The desire to have all of this buttoned up fades, all of this meaning all of THIS. You know everything.

"Someone should do something" is my mind's chorus coming around every twelve bars or so but it seems I've lost the beat in the cacophony of Bangkok's infrastructure. It's a wonder anything works and anyone is doing anything. It's all strung together and it all works – good enough anyway. Too much to even think about what someone should do.

Meanwhile little Cody and I, bachelors for the weekend, hop on the motorbike and head down to a touchstone of a restaurant. Almost two years ago I wrote about this - another wonderful Sunday. It has remained a warm place in my heart. I did get the apartment on that soi for a year and it was perfect. Now we pull up on the motorbike, tuck it in close to the wall on the narrow soi and step inside where we're welcomed – the waitresses adore Cody as he heads over to the ice cream freezer and starts selecting his future. Oh if the future were always this sweet, soft and colorful. Meanwhile I order. It's a limited menu which is unusual for a restaurant in Thailand. Normal is too many choices. Here they keep it simple and it's good. Cody has fried rice and I have a yellow curry. Yum. Van Morrison plays today – again not something you hear so often but just another touchstone from so very far away.

The wheel turns, a young boy comes under my wing, and looks up to me with something more than love in his eyes – Dad. A fling becomes a relationship, a relationship becomes a commitment and a child not of my loins becomes that anyway. Someone should do something for sure. When not what I wanted becomes just what I need to teach me that another trip around on the wheel won't do anyone any harm in this thing we call our life, where no one really does anything after all but go round and round.